OPB2: Bite Me
by Damona
Summary: Takes place three years after OPB. Nargul and Josh are married, Nen has an alcoholic drinking show, and someone we all know and love... 'comes back from the dead'...


(Nargul: Just in case you don't know this, OPB2: Bite Me, as the title suggests, is a sequel-

Nen: So go read the other damn story first…)

Prologue

Our story begins one sunny afternoon exactly three years to the day Aidian Damona Fairchild fell into the Jelly World and Cody Ydoc jumped in after her. It takes place right outside the capital city of Tallanther, in a small frozen chocolate house by the ice shelves where a newly-wed couple go about there lives as normally as possible. But Mrs. St. Esperit has a secret nobody knows about…

0o0o

Chapter One: Nargul's Hysterics

"Damn. There's no denying it any more- I'm getting fat, I'm positively radiant, and my boobs are bigger... I'm officially pregnant," Nargul St. Esperit said to herself, pulling at the bags under her eyes in front of a gilded mirror. She had to be at the very least six months along the line. Her new husband, Josh, lay strewn about an armchair snoring, completely oblivious to his wife's current state. It had been three years since she had been separated from her friends- Damona and Cody falling into Jelly World, Aang and his companions going off to God-knows-where to fight evil, and when Nen and a now-creepily-blonde Link had ran off to a bar... they never came back. So Nargul and Josh did the only reasonable thing they could do in all the chaos. They eloped.

"And look where the hell that's got me!" Nargul yelled as she plopped down on the ground by Josh's feet, tugging on her long, blood red hair distressed.

"Whosawhatsitzit!" Josh screamed, sitting up way too fast and falling out of the chair on top of Nargul, the two rolling on the floor in a poke fight for the next five minutes. When it finally died down enough and Josh got tired of tickling her, he got up and went into the kitchen to get a drink of milk. He ripped open the brand-spankin'-new carton and gulped it all down without using a cup. Absolutely horrible manners if you ask me. I wouldn't tolerate it. I'd divorce his ass in a second. He went so far over the line he couldn't even see it. The line was a dot to him. He- OW! Ok, ok, sorry Nargul I'll get back to the story now... shish...

When he came back into the room it was to see Nargul laboring over the sixth pair of blue baby booties she had knitted that day, muttering something about 'mothers instinct,' 'ok damnit mother, I'll buy a fucking net and capture it!' and 'Josh better not be drinking from the carton again... I swear I'll just go ahead and divorce his sorry ass if he is,' to which Josh hastily threw the empty carton over his shoulder and walked over to the TV (Nen: -menacing- don't you DARE ask me how a TV got into the Avatar world! It just did, capeeshe? They ordered it online or something...) and turned it on. Nargul instantly left the baby booties on the table, looking quite forlorn, to snatch the remote from Josh's hands (snarling as she did so, leaving him with a perfectly horrified look on his face) and sitting criss-cross-applesauce, her face two inches away from the TV.

"Boring... boring...boring... boring... boring...," Nargul said in a suddenly monotone voice, changing the channel every three seconds and rolling her eyes every two. "Boring... boring... boring... boring... bor- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" she was suddenly jumping onto Josh's back, screaming her head off and pointing a finger at the TV excitedly.

From the TV came a slightly slurred, drunken voice, which hiccupped every few words,"... And now back to 'Drinking With Nen,' the only show that gives you drinking tips, recipes, cures, and tells you how to get away with underage drinking. Goody. Just look at me. I'm only nineteen and have been on the air non-stop for two years doing absolutely nothing but drinking-" A very dumpy-looking Nen started, but a drunk (and blonde) Link cut her off.

"I think that proves just how effective this show is...," and with that, Link passed out and ever-so-gracefully twunked out of his bar stool, hitting the ground with a disgusting 'SMACK' sound. He was absolutely _covered_ with congealed alcohol.

"Link... Hey man... Link, dude... where'd ya go?" Nen said in an extremely high pitched voice, giggling and looking every direction but by her feet for Link. "Ah well... and on with the show...,"

"Oh God! Josh, we gotta go get them!" Nargul yelled in hysterics, shaking Josh by the shoulders with tears in her icy blue eyes.

"Hold on, woman! They seemed perfectly happy to me! C'mon, Nar, you're acting like your fucking pregnant!" Josh said, almost laughing as he finished the sentence. Nargul wasn't laughing. On the contrary, her beautiful features had been contorted in rage, and she was turning almost the color of her hair.

"You think being pregnant is a laughing manner, do ya?"

"What? Well, No- no -,"

"Do you think it's a joke? Well do ya?"

"No-,"

"YOU DO TOO, LIAR! You... you...," here Nargul started tearing up again, and she averted her eyes to the floor. "You don't thin-thi-think... you don't think we're ready to be parents!" And at this, Nargul started plain-out bawling.

Josh ran over and hugged her fiercely," No, hunny, I-"

"YOU DON'T THINK OUR LOVE IS STRONG ENOUGH, DO YOU?" Nargul screamed at him, the flow of tears stopping as suddenly as they had started, and with an odd burst of strength she pushed him away from her.

"FINE ALREADY! JUST GET IN THE DAMN CAR AND WE'LL GO GET THEM! SHEESH WOMAN!" and with that, Josh grabbed his coat and went out to the horse drawn buggy.

Nargul beamed. "Okay! Glad you see it my way!" And they were off.

0o0o

"… of course I'm of drinking age officer," Nen said to a law-enforcer at the bar.

"Could I please see some I.D?"

"No."

"O…k… uh- I'll just… just -"

"I highly suggest you go patrol somewhere else, '_sir_'," Nen said, and the officer nodded and ran off, obviously scared of her. She just gulped down another shot of tequila.

"OMIGOSHNENITH!" Nargul screamed, running over to her. Nen looked completely stupefied, and was about to get up and say something when Nargul suddenly clasped a short, tight black leather leash around her neck and practically dragged her out of the bar. Josh just stood there open mouthed as Link came out of the bathroom, zipping up his pants.

"Where's Nen?" he asked. Josh still stood there, practically floundering as Nargul stuck her head back in, glaring around for Josh with a very purple-faced Nen at her side. Then the documentary on Jelly World came on.

"…it is a very odd place, Jelly World, and it's inhabitants are nearly extinct," started a macho narrator voice," Previously believed incapable of supporting life other than the people made of jelly, a recent study shows only the top layer is made of jelly, and a small family of three humans live there. It is the theory of our elite group of scientists that at least two cave people have been there ever since the dawn of time (because who else would be such a bloody fucking idiot to jump into Jelly World before they found out there was air in there…?), and have adapted to their surroundings as no other beings have. Watch now as the dominant creature prowls after one of the last of the Jelly Tribe for her dinner…" and suddenly a girl of around nineteen with chin-length, tangled black hair, who wore red rags and used ashes as a crude war paint and eyeliner around her almond shaped hazel eyes started sneaking up on an old jelly-man, who was using an old jelly walking stick to move slowly by the camera. She slumped down into the gummy bushes, slowly stalking him… UNTIL SHE POUNCED, the jelly-man letting out an ear-piercing shriek right before she bit his head off.

"DAMONA!" Nargul, Josh, and Link yelled as one, and Nen tried to choke it out but only succeeded in losing the last bit of her oxygen and passing out onto the bar floor, eyes still open with a blank expression in them and tongue hanging out of her mouth.

"…Hunny?" Link asked, crouching down by her and loosening the leash.

0o0o

Damona: I AM ALIVE! W0oT!

Nar and Nen: -hit heads repeatedly in the background-

Nen: Sorry this chapter wasn't very long, we thought we could get it done before leaving Mona's house and kinda ended up doing it over the phone…

Nargul: So, henceforth, next chappie should be _much _ longer, and more importantly, _much_ funnier…

Damona: we just kind of had to make this chapter vaguely serious at the least to convey the- the-

Nen: essence of boringness in our lives when we're separated?

Damona: That's it!

Nargul: -mutters something along the lines of 'surrounded by idiots' before walking off-

Damona and Nen: spoil sport…

Nargul: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY? -lunges at them-

Nen: -documentary voice as Damona gets pumbled- and so the huntress becomes the hunted… Nar? Remember, not mad at Nen, no, not mad at - not mad at- AHHHHHHHHHHH! -Nargul pulls out chainsaw and chases Nen-

Damona: -rubbing black eye- in case you've noticed some… 'personality quirks' in Nar, it's the whole hormones thing that happens during pregnancy- AHHHHH! PLEASE REVIEW! -Damona and Nen get chased off into the sunset by Nargul-

Nargul: -suddenly turns around and comes running at readers with her huge chainsaw and pulls Michael mask over her head-


End file.
